You claim you are Ron Weasley.

But the thing is, you aren't. And you made me remember there is no real magical world. Double dealbreaker.

People actually said your real name sounds like a porn star name.

And with good reason. Dealbreaker + #defriendonfacebook

Special male edition: She talks about your (martial) sex on her blog.

Retreat. Retreat. Retreat.

From a Friend: You don't use gmail?

Sorry. I need to date people who are actually living in the 21st century. Besides, how will we have a DTR? Totes ridic. Technology dealbreaker.

From a friend: You only want to date a supermodel.

Let me know how that works out for you. Dealbreaker.

From a Friend: Your business card says "Defending Seeman" and flips open to reveal a condom.

Totally hilarious, but a dealbreaker.

You admit that 17th century prose dictates the length of your paragraphs.

Wait. What. Let's let the 17th century be what it was and move on.